


I’ll Keep You Safe:  Another Tom and Callie One-shot

by LadyGoodwin



Series: Renascentia [6]
Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Baking, Depression, F/M, Family, Singing, Support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:32:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4395518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGoodwin/pseuds/LadyGoodwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"... I’m what got lost.  Why am I so broken?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’ll Keep You Safe:  Another Tom and Callie One-shot

 

** I’ll Keep You Safe:Another Tom and Callie One-shot **

 

 

Tom’s phone pinged with the alert he’d given to his kids.He immediately pulled it out of his pocket and checked the text.

**MJ:Will u call me when you can**

**Tom:Is everything OK?**

**MJ:Not sure**

Tom left the rehearsal space with a call over his shoulder, he’d be right back.“Kid on the phone,” he smiled, dialing as he left.

“Hey,” MJ answered.

“What’s going on?”

“Mom’s baking…”

Tom paused a moment, “She is?”He asked excitedly.“What’s she making?”Then he had a thought, “Have I forgotten something?” He frowned.

“No, you’re fine.She’s baking cookies and cupcakes and now, is mumbling to herself about what it takes to make fruit pies.”

“OK…”This, they all knew, was a coping mechanism for Callie.“How’s she doing?Is there music?”He tried to listen over the phone.This would be telling.Callie had playlists for everything.Cleaning, cooking, baking, stress, anxiety, anger, love, wallowing; one for every occasion.

“It’s the angry, heartbroken one.”

Tom inhaled slowly and sighed, trying to ease the tension that was coiling in his shoulders.“When did it start?”

“Early.It looks like a bakery exploded in here.”

“OK.I’ll be home soon.Call me if something changes.”

“I will.”

Tom hung up and went back into rehearsals.Finding the director, he pulled her aside, “I’m having a bit of a family emergency, would it be alright if I took off for the day?”

“Sure.Is everything OK?”

“I’m not sure yet.It will be, though,” he smiled.

“See you tomorrow, Tom.Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Thank you.”Tom went to his dressing room, grabbed his things and took off for home.

Before he got to the front door, he could hear the music seeping from the house.He took a deep breath, and went inside.He found MJ, in the living room, ostensibly keeping an eye on her mother, although she couldn’t see into the kitchen from her post on the couch.He sat down next to his daughter, giving her a kiss.“How’re things?”

“I think she gave up on the pies, and moved on to more cookies.She’s also moved onto the sad playlist.”

He grimaced, “We’re all gonna weigh four times as much.”

MJ nodded.

“I’ll go check on her.”Tom rose and went to the kitchen.There, he found his wife mixing away at some kind of batter, singing at the top of her lungs, emoting every sorrowful word.He stood out of sight and watched her for several songs.Every now and again she’d wipe a tear away or replay a song, or part of a song, and sing it until she was satisfied.Callie was no great vocalist, so sometimes it took a try or three.Occasionally she would brace herself on the countertop and hang her head, seemingly trying to gather herself.The last time she did this, she grabbed a paper towel and wiped her damp face.  

Tom had seen enough, she was in a full blown depressive episode.He walked into the kitchen loudly as to not startle her.“Hello.”

“Oh Hey!”She said, turning down the music to an acceptable level.“What are you doing home early?”

“I wanted to see my wife,” he smiled.“How are you?”

“I’m fine!”She chirped, happily.  

Tom could see the lie.Although, hiding her depression was one of her better deceptions, she was generally the worst liar in the history of ever.Today, the smile on her face was too bright, too forced, and her eyes looked a little panicked around the edges.The false happiness, a mockery of who she generally was.Mostly, he thought of her as Tinkerbell, happy, petulant and naughty.At these times, though, she was more like sad, little Eeyore, and it broke his heart.

“I made stuff!Maybe too much!”She looked around, a little distracted, almost confused by the sheer volume of baked goods.“Maybe you could take it to the theatre with you tomorrow.”

“They’d love that.”He walked to her, and leaned against the counter, not too close, he didn’t want to invade her personal space.If she were having anxiety too, his closeness might have the opposite effect and make her panic.“So, do you want to tell me what’s really going on?”

“Nothing!”She chirped again.

“I thought we wouldn’t do this.We promised we wouldn’t lie to each other.”

“Tom-”

Tom cut her off, holding up his hand. “I’ve known and loved you long enough to know what this is.”

Callie said nothing, she didn’t move, but the mask she wore to hide her emotions, to protect others from her depression, melted.

“Has something happened?”He asked, carefully.

She looked down at her feet, and shook her head.

“OK.Good.Did you wake up feeling this way?”

She nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

“Has it been going on for a long time?”He asked, hoping he hadn’t missed the signs.

“No,” she said, softly.“Just today.”

Partially relived he asked, “Do you know what triggered it?”

“No.”

“That’s OK.We’re all allowed a bad day.”

“I shouldn’t be.”

“Why?”

“I have everything I ever wanted.More.What reason do I have to feel sad.It’s stupid, and I feel stupid for feeling this way.”

“I’m sorry you feel like that.You know _I_ don’t feel your stupid.”

“I know, but you should.”The words tasted bitter and metallic in her mouth.

“Remember?You don’t get to tell me how I should feel, just like I don’t get to tell you how you should feel.”

“I’m striking out at you,” she whispered, disappointed in her behavior.Just one more failure on her part.“I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK.” 

“It just shouldn’t be like this.”

He tried to comfort her, let her know it wasn't her fault, and no one blamed her for the chemicals in her body going wonky.“In a perfect world, no.But remember what the doctor said?The body is an amazing, complicated thing.One wrong biological turn can set everything off.Something just got lost.It’ll find it’s way.” 

“Me.I’m what got lost.Why am I so broken?”

“Oh, sweetheart.May I hold you?”

She nodded and Tom folded her into his arms, as she curled her body into him.Her breathing felt labored, and heavy in her chest.Her heart was so very heavy, like someone had set an anvil on it, and then piled boulders on top.It wasn’t incapacitating, yet, but it could be.It had been, and that added a level of fear and anxiety to the sadness.She visualized it as being caught in a whirlpool of sewage, and she fought to not to let it drag her under.That’s where the baking and singing came in.It gave her something emotionally satisfying to do, with something to show for it at the end.

“Maybe you need a good cry,” he soothed.

“I hate crying.”

“I know.”

“It solves nothing, but you feel better.It’s stupid.”

“Do you want to know the science behind it?”

“No, I just want to be miserable.”

Tom smiled.“I understand.”

“What if I cry and I don’t feel better?”

He exhaled slowly.“Then maybe we need to go back to Dr. Tilton.Either way, we’ll work through it.”

She nodded, taking a deep shaky breath.

“I’m so proud of you for using your coping skills and fighting.You’re still the bravest person I know.”

Tears began, one by one to spill from her eyes, unabated.“I think you’re brave for putting up with me.”

“If love is bravery, than I am ridiculously brave.”Tom bent down and scooped Callie up into his arms and began walking to their bedroom.Once secluded inside, he positioned them both comfortably on the bed, so Callie could cocoon into his chest while he encircled her again.“Go ahead and have a good cry,” he whispered.“I’ll stay with you, and keep you safe.”

She shook her head no, already losing the battle, “You don’t have to,” she choked out, “I’ll be fine.”

“Do you want to be alone?Or do you not want to burden me?”

She didn’t answer, which was answer enough.

“You take care of me all the time.You take care of all of us.Let me take care of you, for a change.Make me feel useful.”

“OK,” she cried, and the floodgates of deep, agonizing sobs escaped.  

 

Eventually, Callie had cried herself, to sleep.When she woke, Tom was holding her with one arm, and reading his iPad with the other.When he felt her shift, he smiled, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Callie whispered, her eyes looking around the room as she sat up, uncomfortable about her breakdown.

“Please don’t be embarrassed.Not with me.”

She nodded.“I’m sorry about all that.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.How do you feel?”

She shrugged, “Drained.”She didn’t exactly feel bad, but she didn’t feel good, either.She felt empty, like waiting for something to come fill the new vacancy.What would wash into the space, was anyone’s guess at this point.  

“We’ll wait and see then, shall we?”

“Yeah.”She looked around, “What time is it?”

“6:30.”

Her eyes widened in shock, she’d been out for hours.“Shit!Dinner!”She started to jump up out of bed, when Tom pulled her, slowly, back.

“I handled it,” he said.

She looked at him like he’d grown another head.

“I had TJ call for delivery.The kids also cleaned the kitchen, and MJ is managing The Creeps, while TJ is boxing up all the stuff you baked.”

“Seriously?”  

He nodded, proudly.

“Did they have a fit?”

“Nope.They wanted to help.”

Callie had made a point of not hiding her bouts of depression from the kids.She felt they needed to understand, and learn that it was OK, and how to cope.Especially if any of them had their own issues to wrestle.She wanted them to know, there was no shame in it, even if they felt ashamed.In her up times, she realized it was irrational to be ashamed, but in down times, that could be a majority of what she felt.Fortunately, the kids all seemed to get Tom’s disposition, and she hoped that would never change.She didn’t wish depression on anyone.

She nodded again, touched by her family’s care.An empty glass of milk and a plate full of crumbs caught her eye.“How’d you get that?”She motioned in the direction of the remnants, knowing he hadn’t left her alone.

Tom grinned, “I texted TJ to bring me a snack.”

_Cheeky_.She gave him a small smile.“So you haven’t had dinner yet?”

“No.The kids are all fed though.”

“Well, let’s get you fed too,” she started to get off the bed.

“Are _you_ hungry?”

“Not really.When my stomach settles, I’ll have something light.”

“Then why don’t you take an obscenely, long, hot shower, and I’ll fix myself a plate.Then we can watch a movie or something.”

“Deal.”

 

Later, they all sat in on the giant couch in the home theater, puppy pile style, with Callie in the center.She looked around at her brood and silently gave thanks to whoever was listening, for giving her a family that cared, when so many others weren’t as fortunate.Tom and Callie’s eyes met and they smiled.Maybe it wasn’t all, all right, right now, but it would get better, and she was glad to have the support of the people she loved most to help her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Beautiful - Sometimes things get hard and you can’t see a way out. I know it feels like it won’t get better, I mean, how could it when everything is wrong, and no one seems to care and you feel like a failure. Sometimes, it’s the littlest thing that can set you off. Regardless of how small or trivial or silly it seems in the grand scheme of things, it’s not small to you and it matters because you matter. I’m here to tell you, from a place of experience, it does get better, and more people care than you know. That is fact. Please, please please reach out. People want to help you. If you can’t think of anyone, email me! I want to help you! Here are some resources at the bottom that can help, too! Depression is a war. You are a warrior! You’ve got this! If you feel you are slipping, call for fucking back up! We’ll fight with you and for you! deadinparadice.tumblr.com/post/119568503070/dont-ever-hesitate-reblog-this-tumblr-rule


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